We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
