why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Randomize
