The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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