New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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