Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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