Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
