He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize