Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
