i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
