Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
