I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We left an ass print on the piano.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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