Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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