I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
you had me at cake vodka
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize