i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
