the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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