why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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