Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Dignity is for republicans.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
