Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
