HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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