I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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