I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
