I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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