I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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