You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
