Jerry, you need to find god
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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