he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
