We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
