I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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