just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
