pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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