the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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