I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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