4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
