roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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