His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
