I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
