Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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