If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
