Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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