I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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