So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize