NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
