So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
