when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
