yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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