I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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