If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
