my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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