I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
