For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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