and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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