Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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