I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
