Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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