the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
