What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
