SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
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