you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
