we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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