there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
