tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
