why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
we're so committed to being not committed
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
