Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
