i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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