How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
