he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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