I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
