So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
