You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
