Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
