he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
