Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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