im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
