Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
