I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
