I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
