Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
