Can i not drive my cunt home
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
