smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
