Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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