I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
