it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
