I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I am spending my child support on dildos
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
