it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
