We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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