how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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