awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You know, be my cock's hype man.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
