Midget sex pt 2 tonight
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
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