Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
