your parents love me but you hate me
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We're too hungover to prance.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
