He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
