sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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