I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Houston, we have a squirter
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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