I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
