Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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