i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
