Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
