if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
