dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
