I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I will be naked everywhere
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
