Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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