YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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